After this cremation ceremony, a reception at the familys place may happen. And unlike a phone call or a personal visit, e-mail doesn't require an immediate response from the recipient. In fact, unless we are absolutely certain of the familys religious and spiritual convictions, it is better to avoid the topic altogether, and give them some space instead. They can wear open-toe shoes. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. Hare Krishna. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. Your sister was an honorable woman who sacrificed much for her family. It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. We have the perfect wedding, graduation or housewarming gift for someone special in your life. We believe reflecting on our mortality can help us lead more meaningful lives. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. Your sister was a beautiful person. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. Here are some thoughts and guidelines when considering a personal visit at the funeral home: Upon arrival, go to the family and express a simple condolence. Whether you are going to a, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Parent, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Sibling, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Friend, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Partner or Spouse, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Child. If youre not familiar with these Hindu funeral customs, you may also see a lot of food and drink. Otherwise, they may quietly sit throughout the chanting. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. Facebook. It's up to you. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Get a signed copy of the NEW Emily Post's Etiquette Centennial edition, and support Vermont's independent bookstores. As absurd as it might seem, in todays fast-paced world, there are instances of people placing wreaths on the wrong coffin, and even consoling strangers after mistaking them for immediate family. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. Hinduism, like other great religions, has specific rituals for honoring the deceased and addressing a family's grief. This may include feelings of shock, sadness, and even guilt. All rights reserved. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after. There is a process of letting the deceased go and telling them goodbye with prayers and songs. Someones positive familial and community impact is enough of a statement to their character in and of itself. The guests should expect to see the body, offer condolences to the bereaved family, and take a seat quietly. The funeral directors will take the body for bathing, dressing and anointing with the permission and in the presence of chosen friends and relatives before the funeral rites take place. The body usually remains at home until it is taken to the place where it will be cremated. Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. Not visiting other family or friends, though the relatives may visit the bereaved. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. All Rights Reserved. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. When offering sympathy messages to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. During subsequent visits, suggestions can be offered, but only when sought by the family. Food will be served following the ceremony. That said, if you are thinking about contacting the bereaved or would like to offer your condolences, you should absolutely do so. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. 4. Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. They sit in the first two rows on the left, and after the service they leave, two by two, preceding the casket. Funeral Mass (Requiem) is performed in a Catholic church by a priest. After the funeral, friends may visit the bereaved, usually bringing gifts of fruit. Das, S. (n.d.). All Rights Reserved. Blaming the family for not doing enough. Adherence to a strict mourning period is less common today. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. I am sorry for your loss. Thanks. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. The time there can be brief and quiet. Certain Hindus may choose to remain at home during the mourning period and not visit the temple. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. Here is a list of dos and donts, International Film Festival of Kerala 2017 | Kerala Film festival | IFFK Awards | Onmanorama, International Film Festival Of India 2017 | Goa Film festival | IFFI Awards | Onmanorama, Why rolling your eyes at feminists isnt helping anyone, Transcendence of Death in the Harry Potter Series, Migrant workers send home 4 per cent of Kerala's GDP, Radhika Thilak, that gentle sweetness, is gone much before her time, Dont disturb, Supt. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. Here, reading 2.20 has been explained. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. Although Hindus take solace in their belief in reincarnation and liberation, they still experience grief. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. It is often a custom and part of the Hindu death ritual for the family to share a meal together and offer prayers for the departed, themselves and their house. During the initial communication with the family or familys representative, the details surrounding the funeral, burial and memorial service may be obtained. Your personal condolence note would be especially kind, too. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope. It may not display this or other websites correctly. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. The mourning period lasts for 10 days after the death. Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. That said, its the intent alongside the words that mean the most to nearly anyone. This link will open in a new window. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. In her own time and way, she will start to venture forth more. Everyone has to wear white, including the family members and guests. There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. After you hear about someones death, it is pretty customary to visit the deceased family at their place immediately for offering your sympathy. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). Do not grieve for his body, for his soul is eternal. Finding the proper way to express condolences can be difficult. Good and bad manners do exist about visiting the bereaved, albeit with some variation between cultures. According to my calculations based on astrology, he could not have chosen a better time to die is another example of saying the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time. Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. The best thing is to work things through at your own pace. For some, writing notes is helpful as they work through their grief; for others it is too difficult to get much done for some time. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. On the one-year anniversary of the death of the loved one, a memorial service is held in the family home. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. It is customary to make a brief visit and spend a few moments in private prayer and then to visit with the family members. Recalling a good deed that the person did, but the family was perhaps unaware of, can be particularly heart-warming. The person who made the comment might not have meant badly, but wrongful words and actions can cause a lot of hurt in these delicate situations. Twitter. Usually, Hindu funerals take place within a single day and sometimes, two days after the deaths time. Honorary pallbearers do not actually carry the casket at a funeral, and they do not serve at a memorial service because there is no casket present. However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. Suit and ties for men and dresses for women, usually in greys or dark colors, are common clothing choices. Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. The soul is unborn, eternal, immortal and primeval. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. For information about opting out, click here. Some illnesses are so severe that the body would succumb despite doctors doing their best. People should wear white and not black. Friends and relatives may visit to offer condolences and participate in Hindu prayer and scriptural readings to provide solace to the bereaved. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. He leads the family and mourners in various Hindu funeral rituals. If its not possible to visit there, then make a phone call. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. You can also include a poem, passage or anything else you feel reflects your friend's life. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. Hare Krishna. This reincarnation belief provides the base for Hindu funeral rites. That being said, our approach to the bereaved cannot be generalised beyond a point; each situation is unique, as is each family. Please accept my condolences for your loss. Not reading or reciting anything from the holy scriptures. Generally, one can expect to listen to mantras being chanted around the deceaseds body at a house funeral. This link will open in a new window. Loss is hard. Read digital editions of Vanitha, Weekly and more Last Updated Wednesday November 25 2020 03:54 PM IST. If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. Are you sure he is dead?, You are lucky you have one other child who is alive!, I used to tell her to eat less and exercise more often. The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. At a Hindu funeral, the deceased body is kept in an open casket. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. Although not a good idea immediately after the passing, subsequent visits with the family can be enlivened by conversation about the good memories we had together with the person. The coffin is generally open, and guests are expected to look upon the body and be seated in the room for the service, which is conducted by a priest or a senior member of the family. The truth is, each family is unique, and a visitor will have little idea about the actual pains that the family went through to keep the person healthy and alive. Some placement restrictions may apply. 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Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. In many rural areas of India, gender inequalities still exist where the men adopt the head of household position. Time spent at the funeral home may vary. May she rest in peace. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. We hope her journey is comforted by Lord Krishna (or Lord Rama). Funerals are emotionally complex, and knowing how to act can present a Its a difficult time, emotions are raw and theres a lot to organize. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. Whilst it is favourable to do this within 24 hours, it is widely accepted amongst the Hindu community that the administrative process will take longer in the UK. Simple condolences are universally acceptable. Although their intent might be good, it doesnt always work that way. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? Hare Krishna. And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. In the Southern state of Tamil Nadu, messaging can go one of two ways when losing a parent. Your father was a wise man. Perhaps your friends child died as a teenager and didnt have a chance to go to university or get married for many reasons. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. What to do: Mourners may dress casually. Traditionally, the Hindu funeral ceremony involves a ritual burning of the deceased body. The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. Distant relatives and more casual friends and acquaintances may prefer visiting the family at the funeral home. Amy Wolkenhauer, BA in English/Creative Writing, https://www.indiatoday.in/information/story/deepest-condolence-messages-very-helpful-in-grief-1657386-2020-03-19, Hindu death traditions, rituals & beliefs. During times of grief, everyone wants to say or do the right thing, the loving thing, the appropriate thing, but it isn't always clear what that is. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. Harper San Francisco. forms. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. He would tell you that mourning only keeps you from fulfilling your role as head of this family. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. Below, well use this concept in offering messages for the loss of a child. Thank the family for offering the honor to you. It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. is the best and appropriate choice. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. The dos as well as the donts are important. In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. Today is a sad day for us. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. The length of the mourning period in Korea is largely dependent on the individual and is traditionally for 100 days. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. Once the major decisions have been made, visit, or at least speak with, the person performing the service. At a funeral, either the casket is carried by professionals provided by the funeral home, in which case the honorary pallbearers follow, two by two, or they flank the casket, as it is wheeled down the aisle. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online Sri kamakshi Lunch box Brahmin Home made cooking service - around madipakkam, velacherry. Today, many take their ashes to a nearby place to their home. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. JavaScript is disabled. Atma is beyond space and time. If you decide you want to do it, then write your talk from your heart. Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed.