it's been 9 months since you passed away it's been 9 months since you passed away

I have wonderful children and grandchildren but as others have stated they are busy with their own lives. Thank you for sharing your stories it makes me feel kind of normal. But, by the end of the year, I felt like I survived. The pain was so great. Which really helped. I came on here hoping for good news for year two. I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. I havent decided if thats true or not yet. There are times when sheer terror for my future without her just paralyzes me. He and mum lived in Ireland and me and my two brothers visited them regularly. I am 75, married 44 years to the sweetest , caring man one could ask for. Or maybe its because the more time passes, the longer weve had to live without that person. There is NO GETTING OVER IT!!!!! I miss him so much. This week I will be starting the second year after my husbands death. Made some new friends as well, attend a different church. Love and understanding yo all of us. I lost my mother, almost two years ago. I am short tempered and any direct insult toward me sets me off. We were blessed with 4 children, who still desperately need me at ages 11, 9, 8, and 7. I lost my husband 18 days before our 50th wedding anniversary. I lost my son 2 years ago at age 24. He was like a Dad to me since my own wasnt he stepped up and took very good care of me. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. The 3rd year of losing my 47yo sister to Cancer as well. Believe me what has help me here recently is reading all of these post, people have told about losing their loved ones. I will always feel his love. Perhaps because of expectation expecting to feel better and then feeling even more disappointed and sad when they didnt. The first year was painful. We were married 47 years and he was my best friend. I just retired early at 64 we bought a retirement home to be near daughter and grandchild. The pain wont shrink, so I have to grow. Theres little relief and not having my husband of 41 yrs here with me is suffocating. I pray, I go to church and lay in my husbands arms but still no relief. Lots of noise. I have my days where just like you, I think if he takes me home tomorrow, its ok. Then I look around and realize I do still have my son and daughter and my lovely cats. I have days of no energy or ambition. Went to grief group, it helped a little, but like you at the end of the day your still alone. Take me its over no matter how I try-I no longer have zest for life at 64-she was 62. I try so hard to be strong for my children and grandchildren the pain is unbearable. Im trying to deal every day and some are better than others. He was the love of my life. Grieving the loss of a parent is personal. My husband died after autopsy report. Nothing has ever hurt so much and felt so hopeless. I lost my wife September 8th 2017 our anniversary was to be 23 September. To those who are grieving too, Im sorry for your loss. I have not traveled this road as long as you have but I can not imagine a time where I will not miss my love nor a time when tears and despair will not arise but I can see where I will be better though it may be a long time from now. My brother died 14 months ago, he was only 23 and it was the biggest shock of our lives. Ive seen it dear. and I know now I am not going crazy. They sure can kick you when youre down. First, i must say i am so sorry for all the losses of those posted here. I hope they never have to know what its like to have a melt down over changing a light bulb or finding ants in the kitchen. I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. The medical services made that a nightmare but at least I had his support then. Over time I get stronger and the boulder doesnt always feel so impossible. Though having a busy job in our National health service, the NHS (in psychiatry) his own family of 4 children, he came on visits to Ireland, wrote letters etc ( we had no phone line & mobiles not invented). Sleeping at night is very difacult. I just wish I could see him, kiss him and hug him one last time but most importantly tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him. We had an age gap of 14 years and he was like a father to me. He was also my husband`s best friend but he seems to be coping better than I. I do not like to talk about my grief very much to other members of the family as I feel they will think I should be moving forward. I feel so selfish posting after reading these. That helps . wishing id been around more. How does one explain, the years of laughter, loving, holding hands, winks toward each other, many, many memories of simple days I know that you have been observing me from Heaven for many years. together. I pray every single day and ask God to help me, not for me but for them. I took care of her. Im at the stage now where Ive accepted this, and Im finding all sorts of ways to help myself exercise, meditation, good food, hobbies, time with friends, whatever helps. Javier Zarracina/Vox. We were living in St. Louis when he was diagnosed with GBM-Brain cancer on November 2015. My husband who was so much part of me died in late March this year. Im still not eating properly but am realizing how malnourished I am as well. . Bit it is difficult if not impossible journey to take by yourself, after suddenly losing someone you have loved & been with for over 30 years. And, cry most of the time. Take care all of you & we know were not alone experiencing this. Linda, your comments really moved me because I totally agree with you. It took at least a year to realize that the evidence I would get was the fact I held on to him. He died suddenly in war. Desperately, that it sometimes hurt to breathe. We were married 60 years. Im still waiting for the Universe show me the way. My wife and I divorced about a year after he passed. Oh Jennifer I read your words and its like me talking, I feel with you. I think I am depressed but dont want drugs. This week marks five years since my mom passed away. i am thankful for ever day . Im now looking forward to my next few months. I still see you in my dreams on many nights and wish you never had to leave us. Allie: your situation is so like mine. Im sure that I am ready to date and I am grateful my friend is so patient. Please think about your children and their pain and reconsider your actions. God bless you all. Only people whove dealt with a difficult loss can truly be empathetic and understanding. Big hugs. I have have no words to describe the pain, anybody that is reading this, is reading for a reason, because sadly we are all grieving. . For the first month I couldnt have a conversation or finish a sentence. I cry everyday on and off. Or 50 feet tall. I thank you so much for sharing. The reason I say this is that he was 80 years old had a good life and I am not on my own as I have a wonderful husband and yet the tears still flow. Although it feels like it, just know you are not alone. I want to stop feeling sadI am a practical person who understands all people die, the world keeps spinning. So hard having had to move. Also. Two months have passed. I get angry very easily, I cry at the drop of a hat, I cant sleep and I just miss him so much. Thanks for sharing your story and God bless and comfort you too. I keep asking myself to get up and do something but I dont. On that day I broke down in tears. Im just over a year without my darling wife.. We all have a whole lot in common whether its short or long term living marriage, a lover, a friend or a family loved one. And waiting for u. Youll be ok. Keep watching the clouds. I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. I lost my husband of 50 years 2amd a half years ago , he had lung cancer and died quite traumatically at home , we have grown up children who all have been grieving , I still have all his clothes and everything that I cant seem to sort out , since he died I have found my fear of flying and being in the house alone at night has vanished, I wonder if this is part of grieving ? "Love grows more tremendously full, swift, poignant, as the years multiply" - Zane Grey. i struggle to find the meaning in life and wonder what the point is in trying to care about anything I feel as if nothing i do is ever going to matter to anyone and that nothing will ever be the ok again. I hope you have found your way He was my first love. What happened to me ( Im 16 months in) was I have not had a nights sleep for weeks ,looking after my partner. I pray for all of us that someday we will find true joy again. Go. If I can last that long. Im old. I Lost my husband. 100% safe for your site 1989 this cancer came into our lives. I lost my husband of 63 years Couple of months of disbelief and struggle. Be kind to yourself. Maybe it is because we all thought if we made it to the first anniversary how could the pain not ease up. I am beyond guilty because I was the one to ask him to get the shot and it was because of me that he had been so weakened by that rare disease. Rest in peace dad." "Our love for you is as strong as ever, Dad. Thank you Rachel. I dont have a lot of emotional stamina to fake it anymore. For me, it is in those tiny slivers of time when I feel most alone and heartbroken. I realize that he still loves me and is looking out for me. But tied together since day one.And that was how it really was. Once the anniversary of her death rolled around, I felt like the clouds lifted a little, and I wanted to be social, learn some new stuff, and even date. Not a future without him, because we never lose them, but a future with him in your heart and so much new exciting stuff and people, in your life. Now this next bit my shock some of you but I felt relieved. I understand perfectly. I know its difficult. Hiya Holly. I miss her just as much as I did two years ago. We are all torn apart. Ive thrown myself into work & remodeling the house, just to try & function & portray that Im normal. Since then, I have a general awareness that she watches over me, but I cant hear or feel her. And while they still come, they come further apart. I went home with a really heavy chest, I cant wait to tell him in the morning (son used to go to our bedroom and hug him good morning and an I love you dad). I keep telling myself that he would want nothing more than for me to live out my life in a way that is rich and full. She was still in very good condition for her age. I'm marking another Mother's Day without my mom as . January 24, 2020, I came home from work and my husband (one of the best guys to ever walk the face of the earth) had passed away and we had been married for 47 years. Early in 2011, I lost my little brother(31), and a beloved co-worker/friend, and my mother-in-law within 1 1/2 months. All our plans for the future were dashed that cold rainy night in a hotel room. Ive cried so much. Im very depressed and have terrible anxiety which makes my grieving even worse, Ive read through everyones posts and i can see i am not alone but in my world I am. Found him on the floor at 5:45am. I sold our acreage in Iowa and moved to Oklahoma to be close to them. My family is great but they are grieving also. . Absolutely no warning. I believe this is true. I said no, Im still married. Icantgo through another holiday without my family. This year, however, i really noticed how each are busy with their own lives nowtho i am sure would come if i called, theres nothing they can do. Hope is in you its just buried somewhere but believe me Im only in the first month of my mom passing and boy let me tell you its a pain I never felt before and I just want to die I cry everyday all day there arent any words that can explain my pain. Want. Its not temporary but you will learn to live with it.You have to.I lost my wife of 33 years due to a terrible firearms accident.My uncle is 92 years old and we are very close.His time is limited.I know how you feel! I dont want to. Operation, trial drugs immunotherapy, radiation..and they came back worse every time till they couldnt do anything else. I cant even go to church and I feel so bad because its Christmas. Eric, He isnt hero, my best friend, and the man I wish I could be more like. I have tried to be strong, to work through the loss, taken on a healthier lifestyle, spend time with friends, dress up and put on my makeup, work hard yet I am left feeling empty. I cant go bact to where mum passed away or even look at the place when passing same listening to a song that was played at mums funeral. The course is Christian based but applicable regardless of your belief and faith. My prayers be with you all. I will say that it is a wonderful feeling, but also, I still miss my husband. Im tired of my sister telling me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and get back to living. I will spend it alone. I struggle to find anyone whos gone through something similar since its so rare. We were and still are devastated. And someday, my soul will find yours. Of a UTI infection. Scars are a testament to life. that came with her struggle. I always go to sleep hoping God we let me see her in a vision or dream.